Survivor Stories

/Survivor Stories
­

THE PERIOD 0F PURPLE CRYING

What is the Period of PURPLE Crying?

Marilyn Barr, Founder/Former Executive Director, NCSBS

The Period of PURPLE Crying is a new way to help parents understand this time in their baby’s life, which is a normal part of every infant’s development. It is confusing and concerning to be told your baby “has colic” because it sounds like it is an illness or a condition that is abnormal. When the baby is given medication to treat symptoms of colic, it reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with the baby, when in fact, the baby is going through a very normal developmental phase. That is why we prefer to refer to this time as the Period of PURPLE Crying. This is not because the baby turns purple while crying. The acronym is a meaningful and memorable way to describe what parents and their babies are going through.

The Period of PURPLE Crying begins at about 2 weeks of age and continues until about 3-4 months of age. There are other common characteristics of this phase, or period, which are better described by the acronym PURPLE. All babies go through this period. It is during this time that some babies can cry a lot and some far less, but they all go through it.

The acronym PURPLE is used to describe specific characteristics of an infant’s crying during this phase and let parents and caregivers know that what they are experiencing is indeed normal and, although frustrating, is simply a phase in their child’s development that will pass. The word Period is important because it tells parents that it is only temporary and will come to an end.

PURPLE Acronym

Parents, after learning about Period of PURPLE Crying have said, “Finally they have called it something that describes what we are going through. This word colic was hard to get a handle on.”

Imagine all of the other things new parents have yet to hear of or learn about.  These facts can possibly save a child’s life by the simple fact that the parent knows what is going on and that it is not their fault.  Supporting new parents sounds like the neighborly thing to do, don’t you think?

There is truth in the statement that “IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD.”

RANDA FOX

A MILLION MILES LED ASTRAY

I wrote this poem a year or so ago.
It is for every person who has experienced any kind of child abuse and trauma.
You are not alone.

I call it

A Million Miles Led Astray

I sit here by myself in my home with my puppy content but not.

And my mind is a million miles led astray.   Didn’t say bye, just left.

 

Walking wounded still in pain as we try desperately not to go insane.

Inner child, little girl sweet little boy, you are more brave than if you had gone to war.

 

And you did survive even though you aren’t sure –

you lived it and breathed it and you won’t have to go through that pain anymore.

 

And here we all are, millions and millions of us,

wondering what in the hell just happened and why am I here in this adult body, still filled with fear.

 

If I know nothing else in this crazy world,

I know that those who are survivors are the Strength, not the Pain.

We are the Light, not the Dark. We are the Innocents, playing our harp.

So come on gorgeous angels, dry your tears.

 

We are all finally together just when we thought the end was near.

And now our lives are just beginning because we are setting ourselves free.

We’ve earned it, we deserve it, it is our right to be.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      ~ Randa Fox

Support Group for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

SUPPORT GROUP FOR ADULT SURVIVORS OF CHILD ABUSE

Not On Our Watch America Foundation envisions bringing together the over 42 MILLION adults in the U.S. who have survived Child Abuse.

WE HAVE BEEN SILENT FAR TOO LONG.  

Preventing Child Abuse needs a VOICE.

OUR VOICE.

Come join us every other Tuesday from 7:00 – 8:30 p.m., on this healing journey, in a safe, stable and nurturing environment.

Our next meeting will be Tuesday, October 4, 2016.

I AM ONE 

WE ARE ONE

Randa Fox @ 713-447-0489

Isn’t it time to begin your healing journey?

You can also connect with me on my phone, Facebook, LinkedIn, on this website or by email @ randafoxnoow@gmail.com.

“FATE WHISPERS TO THE WARRIOR.

YOU CANNOT SURVIVE THE STORM.

AND THE WARRIOR WHISPERS TO FATE,

 I AM THE STORM.”

*Below is an excerpt from the SURVIVOR TO THRIVER Manual and Workbook for adult survivors of child abuse who want to move on with life sponsored by The Norma J Morris Center, creator of the ASCA program, a 501C3

*STEP ONE

I am in a breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse.

 “For many survivors, this first step represents the first sign that their past has caught up with them. Survivors at this point often experience a “breakthrough crisis”: something happens to release a flood of old memories, feelings and even physical sensations of the abuse. Although this crisis does not necessarily destabilize all survivors, for many it can be the most harrowing time in recovery, and it often provides the impetus to finally face the past.

 

These are important times in our lives, and the lives of our children, and what we as a community do over the next 40 years will make the difference in millions of lives.

~ Randa Fox

SILENCE IS VIOLENCE

This letter was written by a very brave young woman.  I asked her if I could post it on my website.  We were brainstorming to come up with  a title.   Hailey found the perfect one:

 

SILENCE IS VIOLENCE!

 

I know it has been a long time. I have sat back and thought long and hard about even addressing you. But I have things I need to say to you to lighten the burden I have carried since I was a child.

I find it to be inexcusable how you let my father abuse me day after day without saying a word to stop the violent actions when I was too young to stand up for myself. Your silence was as painful as every hit I took. I find it heartbreaking that you rather alienate a child who experienced molestation instead of helping that child find hope, peace and understanding of those experiences. But instead you labeled me ‘a devil child’ and remained blind to the root causes of my behavior.

My lying, anger, depression and drug use as a teenager stemmed from the trauma I accumulated through my childhood. And again you alienated me by telling my grandmother you needed time to get your life together, yet you continued to allow my other sister contact.

I am devastated that I have missed so much of my sisters lives on account of your lack of understanding and compassion.

It has taken me years but I have worked  through my trauma with the help of yoga, meditation and art. I came to realize the burden of the abuse I endured is not mine to carry for I was too young to understand and the ways I chose to express myself was how I could convey what had happened to me. But still this emptiness created from the severed connection of sibling bond has me feeling defeated.

I really do not expect anything from you and I  do not want to be countered with excuses. I just needed to let this off my chest so when I look back I will know I did everything I could and this separation is not my fault.  I take comfort in knowing I will always stand up for children who are abused and never blame the child for behaviors created by abusive adults.

Thank you for the lessons,

-Hailey

From Anonymous: MY PERSONAL STORY/TESTIMONY

I grew up in a wonderful/Godly Christian home.  My parents were saved shortly after they were married.  I also grew up in a wonderful Bible-believing and teaching church from the time that I was born until I graduated from high school.  I was saved at age 6.  I also grew up in a Christian school from Christian school until I graduated from high school in 1986.  I then, went away to college.  I graduated from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia where I received my B.S. Degree in Elementary and Middle School Education.
So, everything looked good from all outward appearances.  But, I began being sexually abused by two older male cousins from the time I was age 6 until I was age 14.  I was raped by a teenage boy in my neighborhood on one occasion at approximately 8 years old.  Then, I was sexually assaulted by two teenage boys from my church and school on a church-sponsored AWANA trip to Stone Mountain when I was in the 3rd grade(9 years old).  I was also physically beaten/assaulted by my 1st grade teacher throughout the school year in front of my peers & classmates.
I kept everything that happened to me a secret from everyone in my life.  I believed that I was a very “bad” little girl, and I must have wanted these things to happen to me or I must have “asked” for them to happen.  I believed that I “held the keys” to destroying my family if anyone ever found out.
But, sexual abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault!  It is always the perpetrator’s fault regardless of the situation or circumstances.  No one ever has the right to lay a hand on anyone without their permission…

I also believed that since I “walked” into situations with some of these individuals, knowing what would happen, that I should have “known better” or that I caused it to happen and therefore, my abuse was all my fault.

As a result of my abuse, I suffered tremendous emotional and physical pain.  My pain manifested itself through “boundary issues..”  I tended to push myself on various people(adults) in my life.  And, when they backed away, I felt even more like “worthless/damaged goods.”  I felt like I needed to “prove myself” to others in order for them to like me or love me.  I believed that I needed to “please” the people in my life in order for them to like me, love me or even want me around.  So, when they backed away, I was very confused.

I also had NO self-esteem or self-worth.  And, as a result, I allowed many of my peers and classmates to mock me, bully me and constantly make fun of me.  I didn’t know how to stop it or even how to stand up to them.  So, these behaviors continued to go on for many years.

I began telling myself that God made me ugly, dirty and completely worthless.  And, I also believed that when God made me, that I was the only person He created, on the planet, to feel such extreme internal and emotional pain……”This was my BURDEN-TO-BEAR..”

But, I had no idea how to ever begin to tell anyone what I was feeling.  There just were no words to describe it nor any “language” to explain it.  I believed that I was completely “STUCK..”  I also had no idea that ALL of the pain that I was feeling and the “BAD FEELINGS” that I had about myself was connected to all of my abuse and trauma that I had experienced and endured for so many years.

Many times, survivors turn to drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships and many other types of unhealthy behaviors as a means of “coping” with all of the pain and feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem.  But, my “DRUG OF CHOICE,” was “FOOD..”  I became a “food addict.”  I gained an enormous amount of weight over the years while I was growing up.  This was my way of “numbing” all of the pain that I was feeling.  And, it was also a means of “coping” with the mockery from my peers along with many other stressful situations in my life.  Most of the time, it really did not help, it was only a “temporary high..”

But, when I was a senior in high school, God, in a sense, “Blew the Whistle” in my life….I finally shared my secret with someone that I thought I could trust.  This person was someone that I believed would never tell my secret to anyone, much less, my family.  I did not think that anyone, especially my parents and family would ever believe me if I told or if they found out.  It was never my intention for anyone to ever know my secrets.

But, God knew that I could no longer live with the secrecy, shame, fear, guilt and pain that I had carried and endured for so many years. While I was in college, I began my healing process.  Then, after I graduated from college, I thought that things were much better and that I was healed.  I thought that I could move on to a “new and different” phase of my life.  But, satan was still attacking me and continuing to tell me a lot of lies about myself that he wanted me to believe.  I fell into a very deep and severe depression.  I was thinking more about dying than I was about living.

I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital at this point.  And, while I was there, and in the midst of my confusion, God gave me a wonderful verse….

Deuteronomy 30:19 “I have set before you life and death, blessings and cursings, CHOOSE LIFE…….so you can live!”
I consider this to be my point of surrender and the point where God rescued me…..God’s purpose is not for us to live defeated lives in our dysfunctional behaviors and our “stinkin’ thinking..”  I have had to choose to never allow satan to steal another second of my life or my joy.  I am learning what truly living the “abundant life” really means in my life.  That is His(God’s) ultimate purpose for me and my life here on earth.
As a continuation of my healing process, I have lost 120-lbs!  This has been a huge and very significant part of my healing process as well.  I am so thankful that through it all, and because of God’s healing power, grace, love and mercy in my life, that God has completely transformed my pain into a passion to speak up and speak out, to have a voice and to share my story….I hope to help others whom are suffering through the same circumstances that I have.  I have a passion to make a difference in someone else’s life.

Most of all, I am thankful that I can say that through God’s grace, mercy and healing in my life, that I am healed, whole & free!
Lastly, I was walking one more, listening to my ipod.  I was listening to a song by the Christian group “AVALON..”  There is a phrase in one of their songs that I love, and it says, “Your Life, In Christ, Can be….The greatest story ever told….”

We all have a story to tell about our lives.  We have all experienced pain in some way.  But, when we allow God to reach down inside of us, to the core of our beings, where our pain, wounds and scars reside, and allow God to heal us deep down, our lives, in Christ, really can be…..The Greatest Story Ever Told….

Thank you for letting me share!

%d bloggers like this: